At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
where are you?
Hypothermia
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
