Im at strip club and am horny
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
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