Apparently you make a good broom.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
