I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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