You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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