last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Randomize
