So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
