Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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