Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
