mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
