are you still at the devil's house?
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Randomize
