Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
