I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
