What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
