My Higher Power is John Stamos
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
