I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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