My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
