We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
