but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
