is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
even my farts smell like vagina
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
