Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Semen is not good for contacts.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
