Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Randomize
