I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Im part way to drunk.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
