i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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