youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Don't make out with my wife yet
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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