Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
