at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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