whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
