i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
