here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
