now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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