Apparently you make a good broom.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
