My hand turned me down
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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