I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
