I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
