That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
