Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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