I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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