Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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