I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize