david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
