Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
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