I can text with my tongue
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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