turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
