i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Randomize
