this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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