I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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