Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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