it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
