That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
