I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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