Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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