maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
