I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Do vagina's smell?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
