new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
