Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
