Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
