Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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