so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
