I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
