How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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