After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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