Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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