Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
