Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
