Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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