Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
