You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
