I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
