they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
