Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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