Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
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