haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
